Wednesday, November 5, 2008

No pictures, just text, so if that's boring to you, adios. I am in a quirky mood, so here goes my six someone asked me for a long time ago but I ignored:

1. My mind works with numbers only. Names don't stick until a number goes with it, doesn't matter if it's a phone number, a serial number, or a tail number--I need numbers to think.

2. Which brings me to the next item: I count in my head for any repetitive activity in which I engage. It is automatic. It comes from my Medulla Oblongatta (however you spell that, Waterboy). For example, when I urinate, the counter starts. The number counting has been in french for 30 years now. So, a safety stop will count out to between 10-15. A recognizable but not yet serious situation is a 15-25 tic event. A wake me up out of a dead sleep will go for 30-45. A STOP everything now and go this instant will get 60 or more... And lest you think it is limited to dehydration exclusively, I count steps as I run, cycle, fill my water containers, chew, brush my teeth, etc, etc ad nausium

3. Speaking of brushing my teeth, I am meticulous. I think I passed this down to Amber (was it in your post about brushing teeth being an absolute prerequisite to going to bed?) So, my morning brushing gets 10 strokes for each "station" in my mouth. I have assigned 22 stations, which means 220 brush storkes, with each one being a "back-forth". Yes, I am OCD, no doubt. Night time gets double, with some extra work to make sure the nasty textured crap on the inside is for sure gone, cuz the tongue travels religiously and methodically over the teeth 24/7 and it KNOWS the crap spots and will NOT let me alone if there is some. So that makes 440 + at night. Now you know why it takes me so long to get to bed. The up side is that I recently went to the dentist for my first cleaning since 1993 (yes, that's before a couple of my kids were born). To their astonishment, the hygenists were amazed that they had no work to do. HA! Poetic justice!

4. Since the pre-existence I believe, I ALWAYS put on my left sock, pant leg, shoe, or whatever first, then my right. NO exceptions. If for some reason the right goes on first, I take it off and start over. This is scarry for some of you who thought you knew me. Oh well, breathe deeply.

5. I can't stand for the 3-way light switches (you know, the ones that have 2 or more places you can turn a light off or on) to be in the "on" position if the light is off, or in the "off" position if the light is on. I will go all the way across the house/office/yard to fix this anomaly. So, for exampnle, our front exterior porch lights can be controlled by a switch in the kitchen by the sliding door, by a switch at the front door, or by a switch next to the exterior door going into Nick's room. I will navigate the entire house to fix an irregularity with the switch position. Actually, this annoys even me, but I have to live with myself so I just do it as fast as I can.

6. I am glad that we are only responsible to post 6 items or I would possibly be reclassified by my peers out of the sane component of the human race. However, I may find some sympathy among other men with this last one. I only use two squares of TP at a time, neatly folded over, when doing my business. If by some unfortunate chance the quality of the TP is sub-par, it may have to be three squares to avoid a puncture. I use the full size, then fold in half and use again, then in half again, thus getting three swipes out of two squares. That maximizes the use out of that piece of flush-it-away expense. Until I started living with females, I assumed this was pretty much the norm world-wide. One roll of TP can last me up to 12 years. Since I have been living with women now for the past 29 years, I realize that one roll is only supposed to last one day--you know, one roll=one day. When we are on TP rationing in the last days, I hope to make some converts. It drives me insane(r).

So there you have it. I'm as weird a duck as ever quacked. I'll get back to pictures for the next post--much safer.

5 comments:

Amber Larsen said...

you are funny! I can't stop laughing- the TP thing and teeth brushing thing I knew; although I didn't know you had 22 assigned stations. Wow. I no longer wonder where marianne gets her OCD from. Love you. Oh, and you really have to start over if you start with the right foot? ha ha ha...

Audrie said...

I am laughing so hard right now! You know, the light switch thing bugs me too, I have it in my kitchen & laundry room, but I FORCE myself to leave them alone...I count in my head too, when I am on the treadmill I am dividing & multiplying my steps/mile or calculating how far I run per song on my ipod, I can also remember someone's phone number before their name...I guess there is no question if I am your daughter or not :) However--how did you find 22 stations in your mouth? There aren't that many more teeth are there? I LOVE YOU!! You just made me feel much better.

Clint, Marianne, Sage, Charlotte, Emery and Ivy said...

I have tears streaming down my face you strange strange man. Seriously Amber, I thought my OCD was all Naylor, but it is 100% YOUNG!!! I knew about the teeth TP quirks, but the other ones blow me away!!! I am going to be watching you now when I see you put your shoes/socks on. You and Audrie count, I write in my head. When I hear words, I repeat them and then say them backwards in my head. Especially while I workout. What a bunch of whack-jobs we are. Love you and see you in two days.

Katherine Young said...

Well father I need to introduce you to a new term that I have introduced to Webster about 2 years ago, fingerpunch. Origin-California Roseville Mission, too many papaya smoothies. Gives you the runs = poop a lot = many wipes per day = accidental fingerpunch. There you have it! Be careful out there! - Bj

Julie said...

That was one of the funniest posts I've ever read. I'm glad I'm not the only crazy one! We had so much fun with you guys the other day. Love ya!